Musings on this whole seat debate from other pregnant ladies....

I decided to see what was out there in terms of a dialog on this particular subject, and here is what I found:

My favorite posting first....

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/28/complaint-box-subway-squatters/
August 28, 2009, 1:05 pm Complaint Box

Subway Manners

By LYNN HARRIS

Thank you so much, everyone, for offering me a seat on the subway when I’ve got my daughter in her stroller or my son in his Bjorn. (Or both.) I would like to rest for a moment; it’s awfully kind of you, indeed. And yes, by all means, you can help me get the stroller up the stairs. Thanks again. I have just one question: Where were you people when I was pregnant? Oh, right. You were sitting comfortably in your seats. While I stood. In August.

It happened every time, with both pregnancies. When the train arrived, I’d exaggerate my waddle, brush a sweaty wisp from my forehead, emit a weary sigh and enter, gazing around for a seat or a good Samaritan. What I’d see: blank stares, bald spots, newspaper headlines. Headlines held up to hide faces. (Headlines that might have read “Chivalry Dead.”) No one budged. Time and again. No one budged.

If anyone did give up a seat — which, O.K., did happen, on days when there was a partial eclipse, a unicorn sighting and alternate-side parking suspended, or when I finally started asking for one — the donors appeared in this order of likelihood: (1) older woman, (2) younger woman, (3) minority man.

A white man? Not on the list. Didn’t happen. Not once. Oh wait, once. That guy with a Playbill from “Jersey Boys.” Not a local.

My friends had the same experience.

One recalled, “Even at 32 weeks, I had young, suited, hearty-looking, Wall Street Journal-reading men outsprint me for a seat.”

Another said, “The first person who offered me a seat was an old Chinese woman with a lot of bags who looked so frail that I insisted she sit back down.”

I am at a loss to explain this. My husband, a white guy, would offer his seat to just about anyone. Why are the pregsters never on his train?

Perhaps you think people don’t offer women seats because they don’t want to make the faux pas of mistaking pregnant for fat. Fine. But then explain why would we be fat below ground but pregnant above? You see, for everyone who failed me on the subway, there was someone on the street who held a door or let me cut the bathroom line at Starbucks.

Or maybe you think offering a pregnant woman a seat is demeaning, implying she’s weak. Sorry, no dice. Feminists are as tired as the rest of you. Probably more.

The new New York City Transit courtesy campaign reminds us that giving a seat to a disabled passenger is “not only polite, it’s the law.” Since pregnancy is not mentioned, giving your seat to a pregnant woman is only polite.

It used to be that was enough. I don’t know what happened to this convention, but I do know this: If a pregnant woman gets on the train, you give her your seat. (If you’re not 100 percent sure she’s pregnant, just get up and sidle away.) She is tired. She wants to sit. That’s it. If you don’t, I will, even if I have both kids in tow.

After all, I want them to see how it’s done.

Lynn Harris is a journalist, the author of “Death By Chick Lit” (Berkley) and a co-founder of breakupgirl.net. She still remembers, with gratitude, the older man who refused to take the subway seat she offered him when she was eight months pregnant.

More postings on the subject.....


http://blogs.wsj.com/juggle/2009/03/23/pregnant-and-standing-on-the-subway/

http://gothamist.com/2010/04/09/pregnant_woman_ticketed_while_tryin.php

http://www.parkslopeparents.com/index.php?option=com_wordpress&p=1502&Itemid=711

All the way to Hoboken for a coveted seat

So this morning, Carl drove me to the Hoboken path station (about 3 miles from our apartment) so that I could get a blessed seat on the Path train. The train to 33rd street on that line originates in Hoboken, so if you time it right, you're there when the train doors open and can get a seat. I arrived when the train was mostly full, but there was a seat free and I nestled in. Then five minutes went by, and no movement. Another five minutes and they announced that the train was going out of service due to a signal failure. So everyone got off the train and then crossed the platform to cram onto an arriving one. I didn't even bother attempting to get on that train. I was sure that my seat karma was blown for the morning, but sure enough, mere minutes later, another 33rd street-bound train arrived and I was one of the first peeps on it. So a seat after all.

As long as C is willing to drive me to Hoboken, I should have no problem getting a seat (barring further track issues). Go C!

Rainy day, crowded train....

And no seat. Even pushing my bugeoning belly out, and wearing the same dress that scored me a seat last week, i had no luck this morning. Guy in front of me buried his nose in his book and never made eye contact, and the rest of the seat-occupiers were sleeping. Oh, well.

Tomorrow is my first day at the new part-time job, and as of next week I will be commuting full-time until the baby comes. Should be interesting.

A sneeze, but no seat

So this morning's PATH ride was fairly uneventful - no seat and a few dudes who looked at me and then averted their eyes (we pregnant women can sense when you are avoiding us), but nothing too unpleasant. Then the guy standing next to me SNEEZED ON MY ARM. He did some kind of hand-covering nose gesture but it didn't work, and i felt the unpleasant sensation of a light spray of his nostril juice evenly spread across exposed flesh.

I wanted to ask him if he was sick or if it was allergies, but realized that this crossed the line of normal behavior. Apparently sneezing on a total stranger is no biggie, though.

As soon as I got out of the train I doused my arm in hand sanitizer.

One last note - old crotchety man in a seat (I was standing in front of him), snarled at me when my foot accidentally touched his sneaker.

Tomorrow is another day.....

Hooray for a seat!

This morning I got on the PATH train like most mornings, and didn't think for even a hot second that I'd get a seat. While I am wearing a maternity dress and it does look like I have a small bump (in this dress anyway), I expected the usual - people averting their eyes, looking down, pretending to sleep, trying not to make eye contact...not two seconds into the trip, a man at least four seats down looked at me and got up. The man in front of him stared at the seat hungrily, but the hero man gestured to me. I felt like a superstar. "Thank you so much!" I proclaimed, somewhat in shock. I made my way to the seat gladly, nestled in, put the headphones on, pulled out the book, and sat in satisfied silence. I kept stealing glances as my subway hero and am happy to report that after just one stop, a woman got up and he was able to reclaim a seat. Good subway karma all around!

New P-T Job and a Morning Subway Seat

Yesterday I found out that I got the job I applied for last week, which means that I'll be working three PT jobs now - and a full work-week for the first time in a year-and-a-half. I'm excited about the new gig, and best of all, it doesn't conflict with my current marketing jobs. All this good news has put me in a fantastic mood.

This morning the seat gods smiled on me. Crowded train, but a woman got up at Newport/Pavonia, one stop in on the path, meaning I got to sit comfortably for most of my commute. I had the ipod cranked and a great book in my lap (The Girl Who Played with Fire, second book in the trilogy by Stieg Larsson). Totally content.

I just told my boss at my Tues-Wed job about the pregnancy and she was totally cool with it. That makes me happy and relieved. Awesome to have the cat out of the bag and be able to show off the burgeoning bump!

a beautiful day, a seat on the subway

yesterday's weather was beyond perfect. i headed to brooklyn around 3:30 in the afternoon for my friend Laurel's "i finished residency" and bon voyage party as she and familia are heading to Ithaca in a few weeks to live and work. No problem getting a seat on the Path to the WTC, but when I got to the 2/3 I encountered a sliver of a seat between a mother with an infant son and a 20-something thin woman with an enormous suitcase crammed between her thighs. I knew if suitcase lady moved over 2 inches or just shut her legs I could sit comfortably. I asked if she'd move over an inch or two, and she sort of scowled at me. Mom with baby asked if I was pregnant to which I said "yes i am." She said her baby was fussy and I probably didn't want to sit so close in case he kicked me. I said I could take it. Scowly lady with giant suitcase then felt bad for being a bitch and stood up and moved. I had zero problem with that, and sat comfortably the rest of the way. In fact, the stop before me two elderly women got on. One sat next to me, but I got up for the other. It's always good to share the seat karma!

Job Interview Today

Off to my first job interview in a couple of years. Kind of nervous, but excited, too. Opportunity fell in my lap when a friend recommended me. I had this whole plan of working until I'm about to give birth and then taking a year off, so this might change things if I want it and I get it. We'll see. Currently I work 3 days a week for two different clients and have been doing so for the past year plus. It's been a great situation, but one of the jobs (the one-day-a-week one) looks like it's going away soon so it's good to explore other options. My boss from that gig knows about this interview and said she'd give me a good referral. Always nice to know. So...interview is at 2pm, I'm leaving home with plenty of time and since it isn't normal commuting hours I don't think it'll be a problem to get a seat.

Update: Job interview rocked! Think i got the job - we shall see. And no, no seat for me on the way home, but i was in too good of a mood to care.

I'm pregnant and I want a seat, is that so wrong?

I'll be four months pregnant on Friday and I commute into Manhattan to work. I'm starting to show and I feel pretty lousy. Not as bad as the past couple of months where I barfed on a daily basis, but I get really tired and nauseous nonetheless. I can always get a seat on the way home, it's in the morning rush that it's impossible. Since I have generally been sypathetic to pregant women, the disabled and the elderly in giving up my seat when needed, i am hoping for some good seat karma in the coming weeks and months, but my formerly pregnant friends have told me "fat chance." and maybe that's the problem - maybe people just think i've stayed too long at the all-you-can-eat buffet and that i'm not actually preggo. on the other hand, one friend said her sister didn't get a seat until she was over 7 mos. i really can't wait that long. so, in the interest of keeping me sane and having an outlet for my venom for the common comfortably-seated able-bodied soul, i thought i'd start this blog. I'll be writing daily and seeing what comes of it.