A lot of sheepish looks, but no seat

on the way home from work today i got on the path heading toward JC at 14th. no seats, and no offer of a seat until at least three stops had passed. then the offer came from a little old lady. I thanked her, but refused. it made me so irate that next to her on all sides were able-bodied men who either looked right through me or pretended to sleep or glanced sheepishly me at me but then quickly turned away. it took every fiber in me not to tell one of these jerks not to get up. why didn't i? i guess i didn't have the energy for a scene. but i need to start being more aggressive about this going forward.

The whole reason i was in the city today in the first place is bc i promised boss #2 that i'd come in on thurs so we would have face-to-face time - something he made a big deal about. and i was completely blown away that i got all the way in to the office today only to find out that he was working from home in CT today. had i known that, i wouldn't have hauled my fat ass in.

Home now, in jammies, lying down and trying to let my frustration at the past few hours subside.

c'mon, everybody now!

yesterday i went into the new office where i'll be working for job #2. i arrive for a meeting with my boss and co-worker. almost immediately, boss reaches out and touches my stomach.

i feel strange, but don't want boss-man to be uncomfortable, so i try and make a joke, "Hey, sure you can touch the bump. C'mon, everybody - Kim? do you want to touch it?" so there we were in the office vestibule, all hands on my gut.

Ok, that's done, can we please get to work now?

Going home from the meeting, I got on the path at 14th street. It was a fairly crowded train and no seats available. At this point, I clearly look v. pregnant. I got several sympathetic looks, but not a single seat offering. I stood directly in front of a 30-something married guy (i noticed the wedding ring). He did his absolute best to ignore my hard stare. He sat in the disabled/elderly seat. I tried to send him subliminal messages like, "hey dickhead, I'm sure if you don't have kids yet, you will, and you're wife will one day want a seat. and you'll feel for her when no one gets up. And maybe, just maybe, you'll remember how you used to never get up for the pregnant ladies. Why? Because you're a DICK. And Karma is a bitch."

Anyway, he got up one stop before mine so i ended up sitting in his vacant seat after all. But just for one stop.

pregnancy, smegnancy, i'm over it

this pregnancy has not been easy, not by a long shot.

first entire trimester i spent most days puking my brains out.

everyone said "be patient" "it gets better" "the second trimester is the honeymoon phase."

i waited, not patiently. but what choice did i have?

and then it came. second trimester. i felt great. i felt reborn. food tasted good again. the air smelled fresher. the sun shone brighter.

this high lasted exactly two weeks.

i am now in my 24th week. for the past 9 weeks or so, i have alternatively felt migraine-y, nauseous, tired, cranky, bloated, gassy, heartburn-y, anxious and stressed (the last two are most definitely job related), and sleep-deprived (because let's face it, how much good sleep does one get when you have to pee 7-10 times a night?!!!).

in general, even on days when i'm not stressed or anxious because of a looming deadline, i feel, for the most part, like shit.

i really try not to be a debbie downer..."Wha, wha..." and everyone constantly reminds me "it's all for a good cause" "eye on the prize" yada yada.

My husband, sweet man that he is, watches in horror every time i throw up and piss myself, and then he strokes my back and tells me how sorry he is that he can't do anything.

I love him for many things, but I love him now so much for his empathy. I know that he'd take my pain away, even for a little while, if he could.

Yesterday was rough. It started out well enough, but then i decided to have a veggie burrito for lunch and chase it with some black liqorice.

bad, bad, bad idea.

veggie burrito alone (from whole foods - healthy) woudl probably have been fine.

top that with black liqorice (also from whole foods, but it's junk food, who are we kidding) and blammo.

an hour later i barely make it to the communal ladies room before i literally lose my lunch all over the place. everywhere BUT the toilet.

i also pissed my pants a little bit.

Dejected, mortified (but in all honesty feeling a little better from the purge), and OVER IT, i left work two hours early.

I felt that a violent puke-fest warranted a little time off.

Can ya blame me?

This morning: more of the same.

Baby, I love you, and I don't blame you.

But you'd better be cool as shit because momma's going through a lot to bring you into the world.

Touching the bump

Couple of things on my mind....

One - I'm more forgetful these days. This must be the pregnancy brain that people tell me about. Last week at work I completely spaced and missed a conference call that I SET UP. thankfully my boss was way cool about it and didn't reprimand me. Then, this weekend, I was all excited to go to the Liberty Humane Society's annual fundraiser at Liberty State Park - Bark in the Park. C and I got up, showered, dressed, went - on Sat afternoon. Arrive at the park, see no dogs, no signs, nothing that looks event-like. We ask a couple of people about it, who think we are insane. I call the shelter - the event is Sunday. DUH.

We ended up going to the event yesterday after all, which made me happy. C was a sport, since he knew I wanted to go and I knew he really didn't want to have to go...AGAIN. But we went, and had a nice time. Weather was perfect, lots of adorable big dogs and puppies up for adoption. I got my fix of petting and loving on them.

In the parking lot on the way to the event, we ran into our neighbor, Kristen, who volunteers at the shelter. She was with her friend, who was asking about my pregnancy. I was happy to answer all her questions when she just casually put her hand on my belly. I tried to ignore it, but two seconds later she did it again. I just met this woman. She did not ask if she could touch me. I felt weird. If it hadn't been that she was a friend of my neighbor, I am pretty sure I would have said something like, "um, excuse me, but I don't enjoy random people touching my stomach."

I guess I should count myself lucky that I have made it to 6 months without having anyone do that (without asking and who isn't someone I know). It's weird.

An aside: I'm still nauseous a lot. Yesterday was no exception. The road to Liberty State Park is cobblestone. Driving on that, combined with a rancid fart from my sweet husband, actually made me puke. Thank god I had a barf bag handy. That's right, people. C's fart made me lose my lunch.

give me that seat, so help me....

last night, coming home from dinner in the city, i got on the path at 14th street. it was crowded, and there were no seats. i immediately beelined it to the back middle section of seats, thinking that maybe someone would get up. 30-something woman in the first seat looked at me and looked away. same with the woman next to her. middle-aged man next to them was doing a crossword puzzle and also avoiding my stare. I looked at him, rubbed my belly and sighed. The very next stop he looked up at me and asked if i wanted to sit down, which i did, gladly. Guilt really works.....

an aside - C picked me up at the train station. We made it to our garage before i began violently throwing up (thankfully I had a barf bag handy). just as i'm doubled over and heaving, out comes one of our neighbors. I glanced up, tears streaming down my face, and was like "don't mind the puking pregnant lady..." and then i resumed the position. I made it up stairs in time for round two - at which point i was heaving so hard i actually peed in my pants. So humiliated and dejected, i burst into tears. and then cleaned up the puddle of piss on the floor. good times...