pregnancy, smegnancy, i'm over it

this pregnancy has not been easy, not by a long shot.

first entire trimester i spent most days puking my brains out.

everyone said "be patient" "it gets better" "the second trimester is the honeymoon phase."

i waited, not patiently. but what choice did i have?

and then it came. second trimester. i felt great. i felt reborn. food tasted good again. the air smelled fresher. the sun shone brighter.

this high lasted exactly two weeks.

i am now in my 24th week. for the past 9 weeks or so, i have alternatively felt migraine-y, nauseous, tired, cranky, bloated, gassy, heartburn-y, anxious and stressed (the last two are most definitely job related), and sleep-deprived (because let's face it, how much good sleep does one get when you have to pee 7-10 times a night?!!!).

in general, even on days when i'm not stressed or anxious because of a looming deadline, i feel, for the most part, like shit.

i really try not to be a debbie downer..."Wha, wha..." and everyone constantly reminds me "it's all for a good cause" "eye on the prize" yada yada.

My husband, sweet man that he is, watches in horror every time i throw up and piss myself, and then he strokes my back and tells me how sorry he is that he can't do anything.

I love him for many things, but I love him now so much for his empathy. I know that he'd take my pain away, even for a little while, if he could.

Yesterday was rough. It started out well enough, but then i decided to have a veggie burrito for lunch and chase it with some black liqorice.

bad, bad, bad idea.

veggie burrito alone (from whole foods - healthy) woudl probably have been fine.

top that with black liqorice (also from whole foods, but it's junk food, who are we kidding) and blammo.

an hour later i barely make it to the communal ladies room before i literally lose my lunch all over the place. everywhere BUT the toilet.

i also pissed my pants a little bit.

Dejected, mortified (but in all honesty feeling a little better from the purge), and OVER IT, i left work two hours early.

I felt that a violent puke-fest warranted a little time off.

Can ya blame me?

This morning: more of the same.

Baby, I love you, and I don't blame you.

But you'd better be cool as shit because momma's going through a lot to bring you into the world.