ding dong, job one is done!

Tuesday was my final day of work at gig 1, the job where my boss said i could work from home up until my due date and also said that she wouldn't hire someone without first consulting me about what i wanted to do, then did a 180 and hired someone a week later, said she wouldn't need me after mid-Dec and that she didn't want me to work from home. I took it all in stride - I was wishy-washy about continuing to work after baby anyway, so by her hiring someone that essentially took the decision away from me and therefore i can't feel guilty or conflicted. I was not thrilled about the not being able to work from home bit, but again, knowing that the end was near was helpful.

That said, commuting at 33, almost 34 weeks of pregnancy is not easy on the body. couple that with my second bad cold in 3 weeks and i was ready to be done. my actual last day of work was supposed to be Tues, Dec 14 but I just couldn't take it one more week so I told my boss that this past Tues was it. So happy that I did - I am very much looking forward to a more relaxed schedule leading up to the holidays, and gig 2, which i work W-F from home, wraps up around the new year. Hopefully baby boy Otis will not come early and will give me and C some much-needed time in those last few weeks to get our house in order.

I haven't had a problem getting a seat on the train for the past while because C has been driving me to Hoboken in the mornings that I commute in and the train originates there. So I know, if I wait and time it right, I can be one of the first people on the train when it pulls into the station and grab a seat without a problem. It's been wonderful that he's been driving me out of the way all this time to make that possible. He didn't want me to have to fight for a seat at our usual Grove Street stop. When you get on at Grove you can expect the train to be packed with people so if someone didn't volunteer a seat i'd be forced to ask, which i would do out of desperation, but don't enjoy....

so now, train trips will only be on off hours. like today - going to the doctor so he can tell me what, if anything, i can take to expedite this cold. i also managed to develop a disgusting cluster of blisters under my left nostril - i believe it's a cold sore (i googled it) but i didn't even know you could get those anywhere but on your lip. silly me. I also have a swollen gland in my neck that's as big as a goiter. Basically, I'm in shambles and look and feel as sexy as old belly button lint. But i digress....

So as the countdown to baby begins and the commuting is at an end, not sure what direction i expect this blog to take. Stay tuned.

holiday hangover

I have been a woefully bad blogger of late. no real seat issues to speak of, since hubby drives me to hoboken every morning that i commute into the city (2 days a week) and i work from home the rest of the time. a few weeks ago i was still commuting in one day a week for job #2 and hopped on to go home at 14th street. no seats, and no volunteers, so i just turned to a guy in one of the handicapped seats and said "do you mind?" and he got right up. i felt very satisfied but i'm happy i don't have to do that all the time.

just back last night from thanksgiving in buffalo with C's family. it was a very nice time. i slept better than i have at home for the most part, and enjoyed my first meatless thanksgiving holiday as a newly minted vegetarian. ever since visiting the woodstock farm animal sanctuary in oct, i've been off meat and i firmly feel this is a decision i will stick with. should make for interesting mealtimes once baby is on solid food, but for now, C and I are managing to peacefully co-exist and even eat a lot of the same things, or similar but with some modifications. at this point, my appetite is not great - i am trying to eat well and keep up my energy but i'm still nauseous a lot of the time.

i'm now counting down the days until i am done with gig number 1. five more full days of commuting after today. the end can't come soon enough. i look forward to sleeping in while i still have the chance.

for some reason i'm in the worst mood today - just not feeling up to dealing with anything or anyone. C said it's a holiday hangover. i think that's accurate. 3 more hours til i can go home and get into cozy PJs and relax....

A lot of sheepish looks, but no seat

on the way home from work today i got on the path heading toward JC at 14th. no seats, and no offer of a seat until at least three stops had passed. then the offer came from a little old lady. I thanked her, but refused. it made me so irate that next to her on all sides were able-bodied men who either looked right through me or pretended to sleep or glanced sheepishly me at me but then quickly turned away. it took every fiber in me not to tell one of these jerks not to get up. why didn't i? i guess i didn't have the energy for a scene. but i need to start being more aggressive about this going forward.

The whole reason i was in the city today in the first place is bc i promised boss #2 that i'd come in on thurs so we would have face-to-face time - something he made a big deal about. and i was completely blown away that i got all the way in to the office today only to find out that he was working from home in CT today. had i known that, i wouldn't have hauled my fat ass in.

Home now, in jammies, lying down and trying to let my frustration at the past few hours subside.

c'mon, everybody now!

yesterday i went into the new office where i'll be working for job #2. i arrive for a meeting with my boss and co-worker. almost immediately, boss reaches out and touches my stomach.

i feel strange, but don't want boss-man to be uncomfortable, so i try and make a joke, "Hey, sure you can touch the bump. C'mon, everybody - Kim? do you want to touch it?" so there we were in the office vestibule, all hands on my gut.

Ok, that's done, can we please get to work now?

Going home from the meeting, I got on the path at 14th street. It was a fairly crowded train and no seats available. At this point, I clearly look v. pregnant. I got several sympathetic looks, but not a single seat offering. I stood directly in front of a 30-something married guy (i noticed the wedding ring). He did his absolute best to ignore my hard stare. He sat in the disabled/elderly seat. I tried to send him subliminal messages like, "hey dickhead, I'm sure if you don't have kids yet, you will, and you're wife will one day want a seat. and you'll feel for her when no one gets up. And maybe, just maybe, you'll remember how you used to never get up for the pregnant ladies. Why? Because you're a DICK. And Karma is a bitch."

Anyway, he got up one stop before mine so i ended up sitting in his vacant seat after all. But just for one stop.

pregnancy, smegnancy, i'm over it

this pregnancy has not been easy, not by a long shot.

first entire trimester i spent most days puking my brains out.

everyone said "be patient" "it gets better" "the second trimester is the honeymoon phase."

i waited, not patiently. but what choice did i have?

and then it came. second trimester. i felt great. i felt reborn. food tasted good again. the air smelled fresher. the sun shone brighter.

this high lasted exactly two weeks.

i am now in my 24th week. for the past 9 weeks or so, i have alternatively felt migraine-y, nauseous, tired, cranky, bloated, gassy, heartburn-y, anxious and stressed (the last two are most definitely job related), and sleep-deprived (because let's face it, how much good sleep does one get when you have to pee 7-10 times a night?!!!).

in general, even on days when i'm not stressed or anxious because of a looming deadline, i feel, for the most part, like shit.

i really try not to be a debbie downer..."Wha, wha..." and everyone constantly reminds me "it's all for a good cause" "eye on the prize" yada yada.

My husband, sweet man that he is, watches in horror every time i throw up and piss myself, and then he strokes my back and tells me how sorry he is that he can't do anything.

I love him for many things, but I love him now so much for his empathy. I know that he'd take my pain away, even for a little while, if he could.

Yesterday was rough. It started out well enough, but then i decided to have a veggie burrito for lunch and chase it with some black liqorice.

bad, bad, bad idea.

veggie burrito alone (from whole foods - healthy) woudl probably have been fine.

top that with black liqorice (also from whole foods, but it's junk food, who are we kidding) and blammo.

an hour later i barely make it to the communal ladies room before i literally lose my lunch all over the place. everywhere BUT the toilet.

i also pissed my pants a little bit.

Dejected, mortified (but in all honesty feeling a little better from the purge), and OVER IT, i left work two hours early.

I felt that a violent puke-fest warranted a little time off.

Can ya blame me?

This morning: more of the same.

Baby, I love you, and I don't blame you.

But you'd better be cool as shit because momma's going through a lot to bring you into the world.

Touching the bump

Couple of things on my mind....

One - I'm more forgetful these days. This must be the pregnancy brain that people tell me about. Last week at work I completely spaced and missed a conference call that I SET UP. thankfully my boss was way cool about it and didn't reprimand me. Then, this weekend, I was all excited to go to the Liberty Humane Society's annual fundraiser at Liberty State Park - Bark in the Park. C and I got up, showered, dressed, went - on Sat afternoon. Arrive at the park, see no dogs, no signs, nothing that looks event-like. We ask a couple of people about it, who think we are insane. I call the shelter - the event is Sunday. DUH.

We ended up going to the event yesterday after all, which made me happy. C was a sport, since he knew I wanted to go and I knew he really didn't want to have to go...AGAIN. But we went, and had a nice time. Weather was perfect, lots of adorable big dogs and puppies up for adoption. I got my fix of petting and loving on them.

In the parking lot on the way to the event, we ran into our neighbor, Kristen, who volunteers at the shelter. She was with her friend, who was asking about my pregnancy. I was happy to answer all her questions when she just casually put her hand on my belly. I tried to ignore it, but two seconds later she did it again. I just met this woman. She did not ask if she could touch me. I felt weird. If it hadn't been that she was a friend of my neighbor, I am pretty sure I would have said something like, "um, excuse me, but I don't enjoy random people touching my stomach."

I guess I should count myself lucky that I have made it to 6 months without having anyone do that (without asking and who isn't someone I know). It's weird.

An aside: I'm still nauseous a lot. Yesterday was no exception. The road to Liberty State Park is cobblestone. Driving on that, combined with a rancid fart from my sweet husband, actually made me puke. Thank god I had a barf bag handy. That's right, people. C's fart made me lose my lunch.

give me that seat, so help me....

last night, coming home from dinner in the city, i got on the path at 14th street. it was crowded, and there were no seats. i immediately beelined it to the back middle section of seats, thinking that maybe someone would get up. 30-something woman in the first seat looked at me and looked away. same with the woman next to her. middle-aged man next to them was doing a crossword puzzle and also avoiding my stare. I looked at him, rubbed my belly and sighed. The very next stop he looked up at me and asked if i wanted to sit down, which i did, gladly. Guilt really works.....

an aside - C picked me up at the train station. We made it to our garage before i began violently throwing up (thankfully I had a barf bag handy). just as i'm doubled over and heaving, out comes one of our neighbors. I glanced up, tears streaming down my face, and was like "don't mind the puking pregnant lady..." and then i resumed the position. I made it up stairs in time for round two - at which point i was heaving so hard i actually peed in my pants. So humiliated and dejected, i burst into tears. and then cleaned up the puddle of piss on the floor. good times...

random thoughts on a rainy tuesday

went to visit my sister this past weekend in westchester. she is also pregnant - 9 weeks behind me. last week she had to have an emergency appendectomy, which gave us all quite a scare. thankfully she and baby are fine, and recovering well. my mom came down from maine earlier in the week to help out at home and in general baby the patient. we're never too old to be babied! i decided to head to westchester on sat, and i spent the night. normally, C and I drive, and it's an hour. but he was home with a bad cold/flu, and i decided to train it as the thought of driving through NYC stresses me out.

so to get to westchester involves driving to the train station (or walking a half mile), path to the world trade center, getting out and walking four blocks to the 4/5 train, taking that to Grand central and then taking Metro North to Mt. Kisco where i get picked up on the other end and driven to the house. All told, 2 hours each way.

i managed to get seats when needed, thankfully. if not at the first stop, then shortly thereafter.

i'm noticing a couple of things as this pregnancy progresses....

- i get winded going up stairs like a little old lady.
- i walk very slowly
- the bigger i get, the smaller my tolerance is for, well, just about everything and everyone.

For example...last week I lost it on my new boss after having to commute into the city two days in a row. I told him that if he didn't let me work from home he might as well fire me. It didn't go over so well...after a while I was able to smooth things over and still get my point across (i hope). A tip - don't say things in the heat of the moment, when you still have the memory of walking up six flights of stairs in the subway station fresh in your mind (escalator was out).

Random notes on this pregancy....

I have in the past few days developed an unbelievably itchy rash on my breasts. Apparently, like many things I've encountered in this prego odyssey - this is not uncommon. Gross, but not uncommon.

I'm still nauseous half the time.

Yesterday, I threw up on the sidewalk outside my building on the way home from work. No barf bag handy, so I just booted into the gutter. In the pouring rain.

I really, really, really hope this kid is cool, because I hate being pregnant. For anyone who loved it, more power to you.

My bump is like the sun

Most people have a hard time looking directly at it.

At least on the subway.

Yesterday, coming home on the packed E train, karma wasn't with me. I had to smush in with everyone else, and though I stood in front of several able-bodied people, and tried to catch their eyes, no one would budge. I did managed to snag a seat at 42nd street, so i was only seatless for five stops.

This morning, on the Path to the World Trade Center, I waited one stop before a nice woman who looked to be about my age, offered me her seat. The four 30-something dudes to her left tried not to look at me.

Unrelated but still annoying:

When I got out at 53rd and Madison this morning, I saw, to my horror, that the escalator was not working.

I'd already climbed two flights of stairs at that point, carrying my heavy laptop bag.

I then had to haul my ass up an additional 4 flights of stairs.

Some old man looked like he was literally going to keel over and die, so i guess i didn't have it that bad. Still, I had to rest on every landing.

Thanks for the panic attack....

Okay, so this isn't a travel-related post, but it is pregnancy-related.

Was just in the ladies room at work and ran into the office manager for job#1. She was inquiring about the pregnancy, how's it going, blah, blah. I told her it's been rough - with the morning sickness all through the first trimester plus the migraines i've been suffering the past couple of weeks. She looked at me with sympathy and said, "ohmigod - my sister went through the same thing." "Really?" I asked, thinking this was the part that she reassured me everything would be ok. "Yes, and she ended up going into Full Eclampsyia (WTF is that?) and giving birth at 6 mos. Her baby only weighed a pound. She almost died from loss of blood. The baby was in the NICU for months...." and on and on. She must have seen my face, because then she said "Oh, well - those were likely complications because my sister was older when she gave birth." "How old was she?" I asked. "34." Hmmm. "How old are you?" she asked me. "I'll be 37 when the baby is born." Thud. Quiet. "Oh." Then she asks me when my next dr. appt is - and it's in one week. But as she's talking i'm wondering if i should be calling the hospital and booking an OR. I began to feel a tension headache sprout right there in the ladies room. "All I can tell you is ask TONS of questions when you next go to the Dr.," she said. "Better to be safe than sorry." Um hum. Yeah. "Thanks for that great advice!" I beamed, and promptly turned and ran to my desk to look up all my symptoms on the computer.

Not above shameless behavior if it gets me a seat....

Friday afternoon after my first full week of work in almost 2 years I was beat. Add that I was carrying a heavy laptop and the added weight and girth of a near 5-mo. pregnant belly and I was more than ready to sink into an awaiting seat. Only problem was when I arrived at 53rd and 5th for the E train, there were track problems and delays, so of course, this means when the trains do show up, they are overcrowded. I managed to get on an arriving E train and parked myself in front of four able-bodied young fellows. All of them pretended to sleep or averted their eyes the second they saw me. I sensed a weak one in the herd, and I exploited him. I stared at him, even though he tried to avoid my gaze. I sighed loudly. And then, if that wasn't enough, I rubbed my belly WHILE sighing and staring. After one stop, I think it's safe to say that I made this man sufficiently uncomfortable. He glanced at me, asked "would you like my seat?" and i responded immediately. "Yes, thank you SOOO much. I really appreciate it." then as soon as I sank into the seat I rubbed my belly a couple of times and sighed for good measure.

On an unrelated note, I went to a bbq on Sunday in Sunnyside and there were a number of toddlers there (with parents of course). One of the toddlers in my friend's play group is named Attila. Seriously. Attila. Why, oh why on earth would parents do this to their child? And he doesn't have a nickname like "Atty" or anything. It's straight up Attila. That kid is going to have serious problems.

Musings on this whole seat debate from other pregnant ladies....

I decided to see what was out there in terms of a dialog on this particular subject, and here is what I found:

My favorite posting first....

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/28/complaint-box-subway-squatters/
August 28, 2009, 1:05 pm Complaint Box

Subway Manners

By LYNN HARRIS

Thank you so much, everyone, for offering me a seat on the subway when I’ve got my daughter in her stroller or my son in his Bjorn. (Or both.) I would like to rest for a moment; it’s awfully kind of you, indeed. And yes, by all means, you can help me get the stroller up the stairs. Thanks again. I have just one question: Where were you people when I was pregnant? Oh, right. You were sitting comfortably in your seats. While I stood. In August.

It happened every time, with both pregnancies. When the train arrived, I’d exaggerate my waddle, brush a sweaty wisp from my forehead, emit a weary sigh and enter, gazing around for a seat or a good Samaritan. What I’d see: blank stares, bald spots, newspaper headlines. Headlines held up to hide faces. (Headlines that might have read “Chivalry Dead.”) No one budged. Time and again. No one budged.

If anyone did give up a seat — which, O.K., did happen, on days when there was a partial eclipse, a unicorn sighting and alternate-side parking suspended, or when I finally started asking for one — the donors appeared in this order of likelihood: (1) older woman, (2) younger woman, (3) minority man.

A white man? Not on the list. Didn’t happen. Not once. Oh wait, once. That guy with a Playbill from “Jersey Boys.” Not a local.

My friends had the same experience.

One recalled, “Even at 32 weeks, I had young, suited, hearty-looking, Wall Street Journal-reading men outsprint me for a seat.”

Another said, “The first person who offered me a seat was an old Chinese woman with a lot of bags who looked so frail that I insisted she sit back down.”

I am at a loss to explain this. My husband, a white guy, would offer his seat to just about anyone. Why are the pregsters never on his train?

Perhaps you think people don’t offer women seats because they don’t want to make the faux pas of mistaking pregnant for fat. Fine. But then explain why would we be fat below ground but pregnant above? You see, for everyone who failed me on the subway, there was someone on the street who held a door or let me cut the bathroom line at Starbucks.

Or maybe you think offering a pregnant woman a seat is demeaning, implying she’s weak. Sorry, no dice. Feminists are as tired as the rest of you. Probably more.

The new New York City Transit courtesy campaign reminds us that giving a seat to a disabled passenger is “not only polite, it’s the law.” Since pregnancy is not mentioned, giving your seat to a pregnant woman is only polite.

It used to be that was enough. I don’t know what happened to this convention, but I do know this: If a pregnant woman gets on the train, you give her your seat. (If you’re not 100 percent sure she’s pregnant, just get up and sidle away.) She is tired. She wants to sit. That’s it. If you don’t, I will, even if I have both kids in tow.

After all, I want them to see how it’s done.

Lynn Harris is a journalist, the author of “Death By Chick Lit” (Berkley) and a co-founder of breakupgirl.net. She still remembers, with gratitude, the older man who refused to take the subway seat she offered him when she was eight months pregnant.

More postings on the subject.....


http://blogs.wsj.com/juggle/2009/03/23/pregnant-and-standing-on-the-subway/

http://gothamist.com/2010/04/09/pregnant_woman_ticketed_while_tryin.php

http://www.parkslopeparents.com/index.php?option=com_wordpress&p=1502&Itemid=711

All the way to Hoboken for a coveted seat

So this morning, Carl drove me to the Hoboken path station (about 3 miles from our apartment) so that I could get a blessed seat on the Path train. The train to 33rd street on that line originates in Hoboken, so if you time it right, you're there when the train doors open and can get a seat. I arrived when the train was mostly full, but there was a seat free and I nestled in. Then five minutes went by, and no movement. Another five minutes and they announced that the train was going out of service due to a signal failure. So everyone got off the train and then crossed the platform to cram onto an arriving one. I didn't even bother attempting to get on that train. I was sure that my seat karma was blown for the morning, but sure enough, mere minutes later, another 33rd street-bound train arrived and I was one of the first peeps on it. So a seat after all.

As long as C is willing to drive me to Hoboken, I should have no problem getting a seat (barring further track issues). Go C!

Rainy day, crowded train....

And no seat. Even pushing my bugeoning belly out, and wearing the same dress that scored me a seat last week, i had no luck this morning. Guy in front of me buried his nose in his book and never made eye contact, and the rest of the seat-occupiers were sleeping. Oh, well.

Tomorrow is my first day at the new part-time job, and as of next week I will be commuting full-time until the baby comes. Should be interesting.

A sneeze, but no seat

So this morning's PATH ride was fairly uneventful - no seat and a few dudes who looked at me and then averted their eyes (we pregnant women can sense when you are avoiding us), but nothing too unpleasant. Then the guy standing next to me SNEEZED ON MY ARM. He did some kind of hand-covering nose gesture but it didn't work, and i felt the unpleasant sensation of a light spray of his nostril juice evenly spread across exposed flesh.

I wanted to ask him if he was sick or if it was allergies, but realized that this crossed the line of normal behavior. Apparently sneezing on a total stranger is no biggie, though.

As soon as I got out of the train I doused my arm in hand sanitizer.

One last note - old crotchety man in a seat (I was standing in front of him), snarled at me when my foot accidentally touched his sneaker.

Tomorrow is another day.....

Hooray for a seat!

This morning I got on the PATH train like most mornings, and didn't think for even a hot second that I'd get a seat. While I am wearing a maternity dress and it does look like I have a small bump (in this dress anyway), I expected the usual - people averting their eyes, looking down, pretending to sleep, trying not to make eye contact...not two seconds into the trip, a man at least four seats down looked at me and got up. The man in front of him stared at the seat hungrily, but the hero man gestured to me. I felt like a superstar. "Thank you so much!" I proclaimed, somewhat in shock. I made my way to the seat gladly, nestled in, put the headphones on, pulled out the book, and sat in satisfied silence. I kept stealing glances as my subway hero and am happy to report that after just one stop, a woman got up and he was able to reclaim a seat. Good subway karma all around!

New P-T Job and a Morning Subway Seat

Yesterday I found out that I got the job I applied for last week, which means that I'll be working three PT jobs now - and a full work-week for the first time in a year-and-a-half. I'm excited about the new gig, and best of all, it doesn't conflict with my current marketing jobs. All this good news has put me in a fantastic mood.

This morning the seat gods smiled on me. Crowded train, but a woman got up at Newport/Pavonia, one stop in on the path, meaning I got to sit comfortably for most of my commute. I had the ipod cranked and a great book in my lap (The Girl Who Played with Fire, second book in the trilogy by Stieg Larsson). Totally content.

I just told my boss at my Tues-Wed job about the pregnancy and she was totally cool with it. That makes me happy and relieved. Awesome to have the cat out of the bag and be able to show off the burgeoning bump!

a beautiful day, a seat on the subway

yesterday's weather was beyond perfect. i headed to brooklyn around 3:30 in the afternoon for my friend Laurel's "i finished residency" and bon voyage party as she and familia are heading to Ithaca in a few weeks to live and work. No problem getting a seat on the Path to the WTC, but when I got to the 2/3 I encountered a sliver of a seat between a mother with an infant son and a 20-something thin woman with an enormous suitcase crammed between her thighs. I knew if suitcase lady moved over 2 inches or just shut her legs I could sit comfortably. I asked if she'd move over an inch or two, and she sort of scowled at me. Mom with baby asked if I was pregnant to which I said "yes i am." She said her baby was fussy and I probably didn't want to sit so close in case he kicked me. I said I could take it. Scowly lady with giant suitcase then felt bad for being a bitch and stood up and moved. I had zero problem with that, and sat comfortably the rest of the way. In fact, the stop before me two elderly women got on. One sat next to me, but I got up for the other. It's always good to share the seat karma!

Job Interview Today

Off to my first job interview in a couple of years. Kind of nervous, but excited, too. Opportunity fell in my lap when a friend recommended me. I had this whole plan of working until I'm about to give birth and then taking a year off, so this might change things if I want it and I get it. We'll see. Currently I work 3 days a week for two different clients and have been doing so for the past year plus. It's been a great situation, but one of the jobs (the one-day-a-week one) looks like it's going away soon so it's good to explore other options. My boss from that gig knows about this interview and said she'd give me a good referral. Always nice to know. So...interview is at 2pm, I'm leaving home with plenty of time and since it isn't normal commuting hours I don't think it'll be a problem to get a seat.

Update: Job interview rocked! Think i got the job - we shall see. And no, no seat for me on the way home, but i was in too good of a mood to care.

I'm pregnant and I want a seat, is that so wrong?

I'll be four months pregnant on Friday and I commute into Manhattan to work. I'm starting to show and I feel pretty lousy. Not as bad as the past couple of months where I barfed on a daily basis, but I get really tired and nauseous nonetheless. I can always get a seat on the way home, it's in the morning rush that it's impossible. Since I have generally been sypathetic to pregant women, the disabled and the elderly in giving up my seat when needed, i am hoping for some good seat karma in the coming weeks and months, but my formerly pregnant friends have told me "fat chance." and maybe that's the problem - maybe people just think i've stayed too long at the all-you-can-eat buffet and that i'm not actually preggo. on the other hand, one friend said her sister didn't get a seat until she was over 7 mos. i really can't wait that long. so, in the interest of keeping me sane and having an outlet for my venom for the common comfortably-seated able-bodied soul, i thought i'd start this blog. I'll be writing daily and seeing what comes of it.